If in doubt, ask your midwife. They've heard it all, I promise. Your care team may advise you to avoid sex (or certain kinds of sex) if you have:

• Placenta praevia, where the placenta sits low and covers part or all of the cervix
• A risk or history of preterm labour, or a cervix that's opening early
• Waters that have broken or are leaking
• Vaginal bleeding, especially before it's been checked
• A partner with a sexually transmitted infection, or you're having sex with a new partner. STIs can cause serious complications in pregnancy, so condoms still matter.

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One more that very few people know about: never blow air into the vagina during oral sex while pregnant. It's rare, but air can enter the bloodstream and cause a dangerous blockage called an air embolism. Licking, kissing and sucking are all fine. Just no blowing.

Honestly? Almost anything. Your desire might rise, drop, vanish for weeks or turn up at the strangest moments. All of this is very normal.

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A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine followed 168 pregnant women from the first to the third trimester. The share reporting no change or an increase in desire was:

• 44% in the first trimester
• 42% in the second trimester
• 23% in the third trimester

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So plenty of people feel just as interested in sex, or more. And plenty don't, especially towards the end. Neither group is doing pregnancy wrong.

I find Emily Nagoski's brakes and accelerators model really helpful here. Brakes are anything that turns desire down. Accelerators are anything that turns it up. Pregnancy tends to slam a lot of brakes on at once.

• First trimester: nausea, exhaustion, tender breasts and plenty of worry. These are big brakes. Many people go off sex completely, and that's okay.
• Second trimester: as early symptoms ease, many people feel more like themselves. Research suggests sex is often more frequent and enjoyable at this stage. Increased blood flow to the pelvis can make arousal feel different too.
• Third trimester: your bump, back pain, heartburn, broken sleep and nerves about the birth all add up. Desire, arousal and comfort tend to dip for a lot of people.

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Your partner's desire can change too. I often hear from partners who feel nervous about hurting the baby, or unsure how to initiate. Talking about it (more on that below) clears up a lot.

If you're not feeling spontaneously horny, you might still have responsive desire. That's desire that builds after touch, closeness and pleasure begin, rather than before. Nagoski's research shows this is how many people experience desire, especially in long-term relationships.

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So you don't need to wait to "feel like it". You can say yes to a cuddle or a massage and see where your body takes you. And if it goes nowhere, that's fine too.

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And remember: pressure is never sexy. No one owes anyone sex, pregnant or not.

1. Get comfy with a great pregnancy pillow

Comfort is a huge accelerator. If your hips ache and your back is sore, it's hard to get out of your head and into your body.

I've loved the Sleepybelly pregnancy pillow (@thesleepybelly). It's a three-piece adjustable set: a wedge that tucks under your bump and a long support for your back. In bed, tuck the wedge under your bump or hips to take the weight off while spooning. Or use it to prop yourself up so you're never lying completely flat.

It earns its place outside the bedroom too. From 28 weeks, going to sleep on your side halves the risk of stillbirth compared with going to sleep on your back, according to the Stillbirth Centre of Research Excellence. A good pillow makes side sleeping so much easier.

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2. Get creative with positions

As your bump grows, the positions you've always loved may stop working. This is a great excuse to experiment. Some favourites:

• Spooning: side by side, with your partner behind you. Lots of skin contact, no pressure on your bump, easy to add pillows.
• You on top: you control depth, speed and angle.
• Edge of the bed: you lie back with your hips at the edge and your feet supported, while your partner kneels or stands. Prop your upper body up on pillows.
• Side-lying facing each other: lovely for kissing, eye contact and hands-on touch.

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Avoid lying flat on your back for long periods, especially later in pregnancy. After 28 weeks, lying on your back puts pressure on major blood vessels, which can reduce blood flow to your uterus. If you feel dizzy, light-headed or short of breath, roll onto your side.

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3. Invest in great products. You matter too!

Pregnancy can be so baby-focused that your own pleasure drops off the list. It doesn't have to. These are my go-tos:

• Nunie Bedroom Butter, available in the Bedrock shop. A whipped, plant-based lubricant hand-made by Sydney-based naturopaths (@nunie.co). Many people find arousal and natural lubrication change during pregnancy, so a lube you love can make everything feel more comfortable. It's oil-based, so don't pair it with latex condoms. If you're prone to irritation or infections, check with your midwife or GP before trying anything new.
• The Doxy wand vibrator (@doxymassager). A UK-made, plug-in wand massager with a broad silicone head and deep, rumbly vibrations that run from gentle to very strong. It's brilliant for external clitoral and vulva play, especially when your bump makes reaching tricky or penetration feels like too much. Start on a low setting, add plenty of lube, and you can use it on sore shoulders afterwards!
• The Sleepybelly pregnancy pillow, for all the reasons above.

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4. Communicate your needs (and try new things)

What felt amazing six months ago might feel too much now, or not enough. Your body is changing week to week, so check in often. Try:

• "What feels really good for me right now is…"
• "Can we go slower tonight?"
• "I'm not up for sex, but I'd love a cuddle / a massage / some kissing."
• After sex: "What was your favourite bit?"

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If talking about sex feels awkward, my free Sexual Bucket List is a playful way to start. You each fill in yes, no or maybe, then compare notes.

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5. Redefine what intimacy looks like

Sex is many things. It doesn't have to mean penetration, or orgasm, or a certain amount of time. During pregnancy, intimacy might look like:

• A slow massage with a beautiful oil (my Melt & Slide massage bundle is perfect for this)
• Kissing for the sake of kissing
• Oral sex or hands-on touch
• Mutual masturbation, side by side
• A Sensate Focus session, where the goal is simply noticing touch

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This is how you keep the simmer going: that low, steady thread of erotic connection between you. Foreplay is the whole relationship, and pregnancy is a lovely time to practise it.

The habits you build in pregnancy carry straight into parenthood. That's why I think pregnancy is the best time to invest in your sex life, not put it on hold.

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In a well-known study by Alyson Shapiro, John Gottman and Sybil Carrère, 67% of new mums reported a drop in relationship satisfaction after their first baby arrived. The researchers found that the quality of the couple's friendship made a big difference to how smoothly they navigated the transition.

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The cuddles, check-ins and playful touch you prioritise now are the foundations you'll lean on when you're both running on three hours' sleep.

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A few things I want you to know about sex after kids:

• There's no set date to start again. Your healing, your energy and your readiness lead. Talk to your midwife, GP or pelvic floor physio if anything hurts. Sex should never be painful.
• It often takes a while to feel like yourself. Research suggests sexual function commonly returns to pre-pregnancy levels by around 6 to 12 months after birth. Many people take longer, and that's normal too.
• Start small. A six-second kiss, a back rub, ten minutes in bed together before you reach for your phones. Bids for connection count.

If you're stuck in a cycle of rejection, resentment or mismatched desire, you're not alone. And you don't have to wait for things to get really bad before getting support.

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Couples sex therapy after kids can help you understand what's going on with your desire, rebuild trust and touch, and find a sex life that fits the family you have now. Sex therapy in pregnancy can also help if you're carrying anxiety, birth fears, body image worries or past trauma into this season.

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At Bedrock, we offer sex therapy and couples therapy online and in person in Sydney. If you'd rather start at home, Pillow Play is a collection of online sex and intimacy games for couples, perfect for nap times and date nights in.

Is it safe to have sex when pregnant? If you're having a healthy, low-risk pregnancy, yes. Check with your midwife or doctor if you have placenta praevia, bleeding, broken waters or a risk of preterm labour.

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Can sex hurt the baby? No. Your baby is protected by amniotic fluid and the muscles of the uterus.

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Why has my libido changed during pregnancy? Hormones, nausea, fatigue, body changes and worry all affect desire. Libido during pregnancy often dips in the first trimester, lifts in the second and dips again in the third. Everyone is different.

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Can having an orgasm while pregnant cause labour? In a low-risk pregnancy, no. The uterus may tighten briefly, then settle. Research shows sex at term doesn't bring on labour either.

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What are the best sex positions during pregnancy? Spooning, you on top, edge of the bed and side-lying all work well. Use pillows and avoid lying flat on your back for long periods.

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Can sex therapy help during pregnancy? Yes. Sex therapy in pregnancy can help with low or mismatched desire, pain, body image, birth anxiety and communication. Couples sex therapy after kids can help you reconnect once the baby arrives.

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Pregnancy is a big transition for your body and your relationship. Go at your own pace, be kind to yourself, and keep finding new ways to stay close. You deserve pleasure in this season too.

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If you'd like tailored support, book in a session.